{"id":14069,"date":"2025-11-02T19:14:02","date_gmt":"2025-11-02T11:14:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peepor.net\/pint\/blog\/?p=14069"},"modified":"2025-11-02T23:40:24","modified_gmt":"2025-11-02T15:40:24","slug":"i-have-misophonia-dont-judge-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/peepor.net\/pint\/blog\/?p=14069","title":{"rendered":"I have misophonia. Don’t judge me."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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I have misophonia. I wish to tell the whole world how it’s like to have this ‘anxiety’ – one which a lot of people don’t know about. I wish for everyone’s patience to please read on.<\/p>\n

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People with misophonia are mentally and emotionally triggered by sounds deemed as common to other people, usually sounds that are made by another person including chewing, throat clearing, breathing, clicking of tongue etc. Different people are affected or triggered by different sounds – my triggers are the sounds that people make when they use their tongue and teeth to make a very high pitch sound during or after they eat, when they try to clean their teeth with their tongue. Sometimes people do that once, sometimes continuously for a long time. Sometimes they do it after a meal for a while and stop. Sometimes, they do it randomly throughout the day. Regardless, every time I hear this sound, regardless or who makes it, I will immediately freeze. I will stop talking. I will stop smiling. I will stop thinking, I basically stop functioning. Inside of me and my mind, my heart starts beating twice as fast. My anxiety peaks, I start to panic, and my mind starts to cry aloud and beg for the person to stop doing it. Because the sound kills me. And I need to get out and get away. Very often, I get very very angry and upset and I stop talking to everyone around me and I start to ignore what’s happening around me.<\/p>\n

The next thing I do, I will finish up the conversation as quickly as I can, finish up the meal as fast as I can, and make for an exit. And then I will hide. And then the ear plugs will be stuffed into my ears as fast as I can.<\/p>\n

And I will hide for as long as I can.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I grew up with this anxiety and have been living with it for as long as I can remember. I lived through my childhood listening to music for long hours – the earphones are literally glued to my ears when I’m at home and when I go out with my dad because my dad makes the sound and there’s no way I can avoid hearing it because we used to stay under the same roof. There was once when I plucked up my courage and asked him to stop doing it (I think I was less about six or seven then?). He told me off, saying he should have raised a dog instead of me because a dog does not bite back. So the ear plugs remained in my ears everyday after every meal and until he goes to bed. I remember going fishing with him once and there was just the two of us surrounded by silence beside the fish pond. The ear plugs were in my ears throughout the entire fishing trip. And that’s how it’s like for the many other trips I take with him and my family.<\/p>\n

When I take the train or the bus and somebody makes the sound in public, I will stare at the person and wonder why s\/he must do that. If I have my ear plugs with me, then that’s the first thing I’ll take out and plug into my ears. The volume of the music will be turned on to an unhealthily loud level. Sometimes, I will just walk away from the train or bus and take the next one.\u00a0<\/p>\n

When I go to my MIL’s place, I gobble up the food on the table and I get up from the dining table the moment she starts to make the sound. Sometimes I bear with the sound for a while longer until my boy finishes his food as well, and then take that as a convenient excuse to exit and wash up. The rest of the evening will be just me, myself and my music. To her, I am probably that nasty and unfriendly daughter-in-law who stays in her unfriendly corner every Saturday. It’s not something I wish to do if I have a choice. So yes, misophonia has definitely ruined some of my relationships with others.<\/p>\n

I used to wonder why people make such sounds in the middle of a conversation because it’s so rude and unnecessary. I often wondered why I’m the only one who think that way. Now I understand I’m the outlier, not others, so there’s nothing I can do about them. I have had no idea there was such a thing called misophonia until I was in my forties. I have been trying to figure out why I’m so special, and why I can’t be like other people. I don’t understand why other people aren’t affected by these sounds. Why am I the only one?\u00a0<\/p>\n

Knowing I have misophonia makes me aware of why I react in a certain way, and that it’s a mental anxiety that is beyond my control. I’ve tried many ways to overcome this anxiety, but none has worked. It affects my relationship with people around me. When I eat out with my dad, I try to sit away from him. At my parents’ place, I sometimes hide in the room immediately after a meal. It’s not because I don’t love my dad, but it makes it difficult for me to love him more and to show him that I do because I do not want to have to see him make the sound. If I can avoid it, I will avoid it at all costs. Because once I hear the sound, it repeats itself in my head over and over again for a long time after that. The scene replays itself over and over again when I walk back home. Nowadays, I will put on my earphones in advance to make sure I don’t take any risk of hearing the sound at all.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It’s bad, and it doesn’t get better or easier with age even though I have become more aware of my triggers.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It was only a few years ago that I decided to come clean with my husband and to explain to him why I am always reluctant to go to his mum’s house. It was difficult for him to understand at first, but I think he has come to accept it. I can’t possibly tell my MIL to stop making the sound because she will probably react in the same way my dad did over forty years ago. So telling my husband about this was my only way out.<\/p>\n

Just like how we can never understand why people steal or murder, I don’t think anyone can ever fully understand the extent of my anxiety because after all, everyone is wired differently. But I hope my husband knows that I’m really, really, already trying my best because I still go over to my MIL every weekend. I still sit at the same table every weekend and eat with everyone else. I leave my ear plugs at home on occasions such as during CNY and I force myself to bear with it. On these occasions, I become edgy, nervous, anxious, but I continue to try to socialise and be friendly. It’s madness inside of me that nobody sees how painful it actually is for me.<\/p>\n

Misophonia affects me socially on a day-to-day basis. It is tough on a plane if we sit right beside someone who makes that sound. Or if someone sitting beside you at the cinema does that. Or if somebody who’s walking towards you or talking to you opposite the table does that. We are not crazy;\u00a0 we are just wired very differently. My wish is for people to be more aware and empathetic and to give us some space to deal with our anxieties.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Thank you for reading this until the end.<\/p>\n

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